Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
