Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
