That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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