Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
