You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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