So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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