i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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