I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
