I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
