So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
