too bad you live with your parents still
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
