Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
