question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
