The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
