4 words: hood of his car
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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