He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
