i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
