I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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