just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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