Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
