the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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