ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
