did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
