You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
