so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
