five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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