I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
