How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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