I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
