Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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