Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
