We're facebook friends in real life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My penis needs a shock collar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
