At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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