Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
