Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
