He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
