The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
