made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
