I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
