47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
