I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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