I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
