Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
