how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
