I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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