Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
