So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
