I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
