Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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