I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
