so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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