I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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