I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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